Strange phenomenon

I arrived in Japan on Sunday night at 12 AM and have been sleeping on the couch wrapped in my warm fuzzy blanket while ingesting lots of President's Choice tea and watching films on my computer. Needless to say, it's been physically cozy and comfortable, but the feelings I have swirling in me are far from comfortable.

I can't seem to assign an overall name to it, as the way I feel right now is a composite of a variety of things. All I know is that venturing outside this private apartment scares me. It was a struggle to hop on my bike yesterday and buy some much-needed groceries, even though I must admit it was quite liberating to be riding my bike again. I felt that independence once more and it was a thrill to feel the wind against my face. However, a funny thing happened when I tried to pay for my sad little pile of 2 apples, 2 oranges, 2 bowls of instant noodles, a loaf of bread, and a package of toilet tissue (Can you tell I haven't the will to cook real food?): I actually put down what I thought to be a Canadian penny as part of the change. I was wondering why the cashier didn't process it right away, and as I stood there with a look of impatience on my face, he finally moved and took my money only to overturn that copper piece of currency over to reveal that it was not only the wrong type of currency used in Japan, but also that it was a 5 cent Euro. I was so embarrassed, but also so confused with myself. It took me a while to pack my groceries, and as I did so I wished that my mind could be as clear as those grocery bags themselves.

Hibernation. That's what I've been doing. I'm hiding myself in this apartment, within this little bubble of comfort I have created for myself. It feels good, yet at the same time unhealthy. Shem and Tina were just over and it felt good to see them. They made me feel so happy to be puttering around the kitchen, fixing a warm drink for them both. It was refreshing and comfortable to see them and to hear all about their holidays. I was so happy to see them that I'm afraid I was chatting too much, fpr Shem even remarked that I seemed a bit hyper. Wow, I hadn't even known I was like that.

All it's taken is two weeks to put me backwards. I'm moving backwards, even though I know that 7 months will fly by and I will see my family and friends again for the summer. It's a strange thing to be like this. I don't know how I even allowed it to happen.

I know everything will be alright soon though. I just have to remember to move forward.